08/23
" Children and stars kiss and lose each other
Gently grab my hand and guide me
The dream gods took me to a landscape
Butterflies fluttered through my soul "
Ah, I set up this little corner blog this morning.
I'm still learning to how to put things together. Life is incertain. Sometimes having bright, sometimes darker moments.
From time to time, I feel the urge to write my feelings, about life, situations, fears and hope.
It truly helps me to cope with the real world. I often think that my friends can be easily bored of me because i am too negative. I don't want to complain to them, or to anyone.
That's why i wanted to start writing, sincerely my thoughts on this blog. Of course, it is a personal place, and i can say that i am a human with lots of struggles and insecurities.
I am easily attracted to vices, and i am in constant research of intensity.
Yersterday, I saw some good old friends. We used to do rp all together, wandering in the woods, talking about books.
We also used to offer each others gifts, and i received such lovely things. My love for items never cease to grow since i compulsively bring all kind of trinkets and garbage at my place lol. Sometimes I truly think I have " Diogen's syndrom " and want to get rid off everything, but oh well... We'll see where life is leading us.
Anyways i had a very solary day, even if i am afraid to appears fade and empty minded sometimes. Agh.
Just a reminder to myself but I must do a altar-page for some things i like.
I played Sweet Pool too, and it was such a poetic ride honestly. Slow Damage is definitely more wild. And Dramatical Murder is like going to a party, lol (Re:connect is SO good. everything about Clear broke my heart, ouch.) But i truly love these visual novels, and these stories are truly engraved in my mind for ever. N+C is so nostalgic to me, because when I first discover it, it was with my asian childhood friend, and i had such good memories with them. For some reasons i can't get over it, i am pretty attached to the past.
Honestly, i always thoughts there were a category of people, and over-romantizing relationships, asian culture or just being obsessive with anything can be... dangerous ?
I don't claim i encourage violence, gore or anything "immoral", but it is a part of the world.
My point of view about all these vicious things in the world is, that we can't change our nature. We're born with these things around us and we just get more or less influenced by the environnement. Logical issues.
Drink drug and depression
Today i woke up so early to sleep again nyah
I met an asian grandma, and she asked some help to clean her house and sell some stuffs in flea markets. She often ask me to send her pictures, or to come visit her. Recently, she told me she is becoming blind, and will have an operation in a hospital soon. Get well bà ngoại Thi ! She is a friend of my mom, and I know they went through difficult times in their life because of the war. I can't lie on the fact i don't feel i belong here neither, but i dont feel like going back to my land country. I will take care of my mother, asks her questions about her past life, and stories. She recently confessed secrets, and we talk with more joy than before. Mme Thi often tells me that we only have one mother, and she is the one who offers us life.
Writing my thoughts and showing them off publicly kind of kill the mysterious vibe, but somehow, no one will ever read it like something truly serious.
This morning, some trees have been cut down on my street. It's been 4-5 hours they are making awful noises outside. It feels like... the first scene in Virgin Suicides when the girls go outside to protect their tree. one of the sisters says that "These trees are old. They have evolutionary strategies against pests. Why don't you let nature take its course ?" I feel deeply anxiety about this brutal method. I wish i could protect this tree. This isn't the first time it happened and i had several nightmares about this specific situation. Humans are an illness of the earth. They destroy nature. every fucking second. And they leave it like an accomplishment of their efforts.
In the first episode of xxxholic Yuka said " When you receive something, it is necessary to give back its equivalent. The value must be appropriate, equal, and just. Otherwise… Harm can be done. To the body of this world, to the destiny of the stars, to the soul of the celestial world. Remember well the bond that unites us. You and I have established a connection. Even the most trivial encounters or events have their influence. As brief as it may have been, an established connection is never undone. All the events that occur in your life have meaning. So, remember."
In Fullmetal Alchemist, the concept of alchemy is to transform the matter into something else, and the the exchange must be equivalent.
So I went through Rei's route, and this is the most relatable thing i ever read in my whole life. I mean... Rei is such a good character. And their backstory, and feelings are pretty close to what a human having an alternative life could feel. The struggle with their body, the art they create. For tons of reasons, Slow Damage really marks me. The underground atmosphere was something i was looking for, and it served it on a silver plate.
Arata in Slow Damage, everyone.
Today i went to a flea market and I was wandering and found some treasures like a little notebook, a bed sheet, a metallic box, a silver clover and some gifts for friends. I also bought this giant wicker basket to make a picnic and also another one to put the laundry in it. I've lost interest by taking pictures and posting on ig because I have so much images in my camera roll... I must do a backup but i have no idea how it works (shouldn't be that complicated, i just never done it)
I went to Li's house and it was crazy. Everything around her is inspiring and amazing, and i can not tell the true love that crush my brain when i share time with her. She is such a wonderful and unique person. Her room is really a strange place, feeling comfortable and mysterious. I'll ask her to participate to the rooms project . We discussed about how we love shy people, how we could organise things together, and i definitely want to spend more time with her, cause she is truly a blessing of the world.
Rez is in Paris, so many friends are travelling this year, i watch them through my phone, their accomplishments, meetings, parties... I just watch them behind my screen, in the same exact place i always been. Nothing really matters.
I must admit that people who smoke are suicidal.
Earlier that day, I just passed out after smoking too much, i slept curled like a ball and woke up with a terrible stomachache. uh.
Today, I participated to a concert of Aurora in Sky Children of Light !! My love for this game is infinite, they never cease to amaze me.
Last update for august : I finished Sunstone.
OKKKK THIS SOUND IS BANGER AFFFFFFFF !!!!!!!!!
to do task :
- journal des saisons
(hiver, printemps, été, automne)
-phone backup
• january
• february
• march
• april
• may
• june
• july
• august
• september
• october
• november
• december
